Somewhere Safe
by The Five Factions46
Summary: Tris Prior is sure of one thing. She loves Tobias. But that doesn't keep her from spending a night with Matthew after a tough break up. But after discovering that she's pregnant, Tris must face a difficult question: who's the father? And after so many questions left unanswered, Tris is forced to make decisions that will affect her, Tobias, Matthew and her child.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I'm in the middle of writing an epilogue for You and Me, an Allegiant Alternate Ending, and I had some free time, so I thought I'd start this one! If you enjoy love triangles, you'll love it! It starts off during the period where Tris and Tobias were broken up in Allegiant. Enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. **

Chapter 1: Falling in Love

My footsteps echo through the empty hallways of the Bureau. I shiver, and zip my jacket up to my throat. My eyes are still adjusting to the dark as I venture deeper into the hallway. My body still feels heavy with sleep. Only the adrenaline from the dream keeps me going.

When I reach the end of the hallway, I lean my back against the wall, and slide to the floor. I breathe through my nose. _In, out. _My hands shake. _One, two. _I wrap my arms around my knees, which are pulled into my chest. In the dream, I was standing in an empty field, much like the one in my fear landscape. Ahead of me, Tobias stands alone. His face is blank. I call his name, but he doesn't answer. Above me, I hear flapping wings thundering in the sky. I look up to see a swarm of crows descending towards the ground. But they're not diving at me. They're headed straight for Tobias. My heart rate elevates, and I try to sprint towards him, but somehow my feet are planted to the ground. The crows scream and swarm around him, submerging him in a sea of black. I scream his name over and over and wake up in a cold sweat and my throat raw. I close my eyes and bury my face in my hands.

"Tris?" a voice says. I look up. Matthew stands in front of me. "What are you doing up so late?" I ask him.

"I could ask you the same question" he replies. I shake my head. "Couldn't sleep"

"Bad dream?" he asks. I nod. He buries one of his hands in his pocket, and scratches the back of his neck with the other. "It's not getting an easier" I say softly.

For a few minutes, he just stares at me in silence. Then, he offers his hand to me. "Come with me" he says. "I have something that might help."

I don't question it. I grab his hand and he pulls me up. I stare into his dark blue eyes. Something inside me bursts with energy and all of a sudden I am overcome with dizziness. _No, _I think. Hand in hand, we walk down the hallway, and for the first time in weeks, I feel safer than I've ever been.

I sit on the edge of Matthew's bed in his apartment. He comes toward me holding a clear plastic cup. It contains a dark blue liquid. The color reminds me of Tobias's eyes. "Here" Matthew says. "It's a serum I developed. It helps with the dreams." I tip the contents into my mouth. It sends warmth through me. "Thank you" I say.

He sits beside me, and puts his arm around my shoulders. I have to clench my teeth to keep from smiling. _He can't like me, _I think to myself. He's just helping me.

"Was it about your parents?" he asks me.

"No" I tell him. "It was actually of Tobias."

Matthew takes his arm off my shoulders, and locks his eyes onto mine. "I used to get nightmares myself" he says. "Still do." I look at him. "Of who?" I ask. He shakes his head. "It doesn't matter. Not anymore." I nod. "It's hard to let go" he says. "Hard to let go of someone you love even if they did a horrible thing." I nod again, and think of Uriah's motionless body in the hospital bed.

"Everyone makes mistakes" I say. "I mean, we're all human, right?" Matthew nods, and drops a hand on my knee. "Humans are complex. Genetically damaged or not." I nod in agreement. Matthew's fingers brush idly over my cheek.

"Tris" he whispers. "What Tobias did was wrong. He not only put your life in danger, but he didn't trust your judgments and accused you of being jealous of Nita." He leans in closer and grabs my chin. "From the first moment I saw you, I knew that whatever it took, I would hold onto you and protect you even if it meant risking everything I had already loved."

He kisses me lightly on my nose. "You're all that matters to me now. And I promise as long as you're with me, you will never feel the pain of betrayal or loneliness."

He presses his lips to mine, and kisses me firmly. _Too soon, _I think. But I can't stop myself from grabbing a fistful of his shirt and running my fingers through his hair. The absence of Tobias's love is unbearable. I'll do anything to stop it.

"I don't want to go too fast" I whisper. He smiles, and even in the dim lighting I can see his white teeth flash. Matthew tosses my entire body on the bed and kisses my neck. I should tell him to stop. But it feels so good.

All of my life I've wondered why people fall in love. What do they see in other people that make them so special? Maybe they don't see anything at all. Maybe they're just looking for a way to feel loved to fill an empty spot in their heart.


	2. Chapter 2: Trust

**Thought I'd post another chapter before I see Divergent for the sixth time! I'll still cry when her mom dies **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. **

Chapter 2: Trust

I wake up the next morning back in my cot in the dorms. My jacket lies on the floor, underneath a pillow. I don't know how I got here last night. All I remember is my head against Matthew's shoulder, and my legs swaying back and forth. He must've carried me back here after I fell asleep on top of his chest. My cheeks feel warm and I press my palms to my face as I think of Matthew. Last night I conquered my fear of intimacy. But it wasn't at all how I wanted to. The more I think of him, the dizzier I become, and I have to lie down with my hands over my head until it passes.

I check my watch. It reads 10:45. I'm going to the fringe this afternoon with Amar and George, as David told me yesterday. My hair, which has now grew back below my shoulders, is greasy. I need to shower.

I get up and walk down the hall to the women's restroom. On my way there, I see Matthew walking in my direction. I hope he doesn't notice the redness in my cheeks. I avoid eye contact with him. Last night felt so powerful and amazing when I was in the moment, but this morning it feels like nothing. Maybe Matthew regrets last night. Maybe he doesn't like me after all. Maybe he feels as awkward about it as I do. When I'm about three steps away from him, my eyes flick up to his.

He doesn't even glance my way.

Later, when I return from the fringe, I find myself wandering the halls, going through the same ones over and over to avoid sleep. I don't dare go to Matthew's apartment to ask for some of the serum he gave me last night. Did he really mean all the stuff he said to me? Maybe he was in love with the idea of loving me. I think of Tobias and I's first kiss, deep in the chasm, with the roar of water all around us. Why do I remember everything about that night, and only a few smeared images about last night with Matthew?

I shake my head and start back to the dorms. On my way, I see Tobias leaning against a door to a room I've never seen before. His back faces me. I take a deep breath. I've been planning for days what I would say to him.

"Hey." He turns around and sees me. "Hey" he says back.

I start closer towards him. "Listen" I say, "I've been doing some thinking lately… and you didn't intentionally mean to hurt me, or anyone. You were just trusting your instincts and what you believed was right."

He stares at me.

"And I wasn't jealous of Nita. I just didn't trust her." Tobias nods. "I know" he says. "So are you here to forgive me?" I stand in front of him and look up into his dark blue irises. Much like the color in Matthew's eyes.

"I'm here to ask you if you think that we're still right for each other." I put a hand on his shoulder. "We're not perfect, I know that. And I know that we're going to have disagreements, and I know we need to have disagreements. Because that's how a relationship is supposed to function."

Tobias closes his eyes and presses his forehead to mine.

"Yes" he says. "We are still right for each other."

He opens his eyes and brushes a few strands of loose hair out of my face. "If there's any person in the world that can change me, it's you" he whispers.

I smile, and he presses his lips to mine. I kiss him back, hard, and run my fingers through his hair. He kicks the door behind us open with his heel, and we stumble in. The room is vacant, other than a couch against the back wall, and debris scattering the floor. Tobias scoops me up over his shoulder, and I squeal with delight. He throws me down on the couch, grinning. He's on top of me, kissing my raven tattoos, whispering "perfect" and "beautiful" as his lips touch every inch of my body. And in that moment I realize the half of me that has been empty for weeks is whole again. Tobias brings out the best of me, and he is the only person that I trust to fall in love with me.

I trust him.

**So, have you guys heard that they're splitting Allegiant the movie into two parts!? I'm actually kind of happy about that because that just gives us another year of anticipation! And another year before we have to watch Tris, you know… **

**Anyway, thanks so much for all the good reviews and chapter 3 should be up tomorrow! Be brave. **


	3. Chapter 3: Nowhere

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. **

Chapter 3: Nowhere

The following week, our plan falls into place. We will break into the Weapons Lab and release the memory serum to wipe the memories of the Bureau. Tobias is still struggling with the decision of whether he should give the memory serum to his father or mother. He often gets up in the middle of the night and doesn't come back until the next morning. One night, I follow him out.

He goes down a hallway I've never seen before, and sits on a window ledge. Outside, flurries of snow cover the ground.

"Can't sleep?" I ask him. He turns my way. "Haven't gotten a wink all week" he says.

I climb up on the ledge and sit crossed legged across from him.

"It shouldn't be this hard" he says. "If I really knew them, I'd know what to do. But I don't. I had to find out that my mother was Erudite born from a chart a few weeks ago."

"It's not your fault" I tell him. "Your parents were never good examples to begin with."

I grab his hand and lace his fingers with mine.

"You have to trust yourself" I whisper.

He smiles at me, and together we sit in silence until sunrise.

I haven't spoken to Matthew since the night of the dream. Not that I have anything to say to him. I eat breakfast with Christiana in the dorms. I pick at my eggs. I know I should be thinking of Caleb, about he is willing to sacrifice his own life in order to gain my forgiveness. Or about the plan to reset the minds of everyone in the Bureau. But instead I think of Matthew. Was he just using me for sex? If he was, then I'm mad at myself for giving him what he wanted. It's giving me more troubles than I thought, because now I am overcome with nausea and I have to pinch the bridge of my nose to settle it.

"What's wrong?" Christiana asks me. I shake my head. "Nothing" I say.

"You're lying" she says. I'm too tired to argue. Maybe I should just tell her.

"Okay" I say. "I had sex."

Her eyes widen. Then she smiles. "Wow" she says chuckling. "Guess you're really not a stiff anymore now!"

My cheeks warm. "Yeah" I say.

"Guess I'm not."

The next morning, I wake up as sick as a dog. Everything in the room spins like a top, and I squeeze my eyes shut to block it out. Tobias kneels down next to my cot and puts his lips to my forehead.

"You don't feel warm" he says. "I think it was something I ate" I say. "I'm fine, I'm just going to go down to the infirmary. They'll give me something." He nods. "Want me to come with you?" he asks. I shake my head. "No that's all right. You still have some preparing to do for tomorrow."

"Okay" he kisses my forehead. "See you later."

I sit on a cold metal table in the infirmary, with my hands folded in my lap. The nurse walks in a few minutes later with my test results on her clipboard. She bites her lip and doesn't look at me.

"If you could just give me some kind of medicine that would be" "Tris" she cuts me off.

She looks up at me.

"You're pregnant."

When my mother died, I felt as if my whole world came collapsing down on me all at once, and that I was drowning under its weight. As I ran through that alley, away from her dead body, every detail around me smeared together into one blurry image, as I suffered from utter shock.

Now that feeling has returned, as I walk out of the infirmary and into the hallway.

I'm pregnant.

I don't know where I'm going. I just keep walking straight.

_I'm pregnant. _

Running. Now I'm running through the hallways, my ears muffled. I keep running until I am no longer able to, and I'm outside. I drop to my knees, into the fresh snow.

I breathe through my nose. _In, out. _My eyes burn. I'm crying.

_In, out. _I'm screaming.

_Breathe. _

I scream until my throat hurts, and I pick up a fistful of snow and crush it.

I've been afraid before. Before my aptitude test. During Dauntless Initiation. Before my fear landscape.

But now I'm more afraid than I've ever been. I hug my knees into my chest and sob. How could I be so careless? Tobias taught me that the Dauntless's only rule to love was to use protection and I couldn't even do that.

All I wanted was to be safe.

Now nowhere is safe.


	4. Chapter 4: Sacrifice

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. **

Chapter 4: Sacrifice

"You're not" Christiana says.

It is night, and we are standing in a vacant hallway. I had to tell someone, and Christiana is the only person can trust right now.

"Yes" I tell her. "I am. The doctor told me this afternoon."

I feel a headache coming on and pinch the bridge of my nose to settle it.

"How far along?" she asks.

"About a week."

"Well, have you at least told Tobias?" I shake my head.

"Well, then, what are you waiting for!" She grabs my arm and starts to pull me forward.

"I can't" I say quietly.

She stops.

"Why not?" she asks. "He deserves to know, even if you guys didn't plan it, I'm sure he'll" "No" I cut her off sharply. She stares at me.

"I can't tell him because…I'm not sure if it's his."

Christiana's eyes widen.

"There was another guy before…and…I don't know."

Christiana frowns. "Oh" she says. She doesn't ask who.

Instead she just wraps her arms around me and gives me a light squeeze. A sob racks my body, and she squeezes tighter.

"It'll be okay. It's okay, Tris. It'll be okay" she whispers, reassuringly.

Eventually, my tears stop and she pulls away her eyes warm brown, like melted chocolate.

"Just know that what whatever you go through, you'll have a friend right there beside you."

And then she's gone. My eyes follow her as she disappears down the corridor. I sigh, and lean back against the wall. I press a hand to my stomach. There's a baby inside. So why do I feel so empty?

After all I've been through, do I really deserve this?

I hope so.

The next morning, I'm still struggling with the decision on when I should tell Tobias. I know I'll have to eventually, but tonight we are putting our plan into action, and he should focus on that. I sigh. It will be my last day with my brother. I feel a twinge of pain in my chest at the thought. Will I really be able to let him do this despite all the things he's done?

Just then, Tobias enters the dorms. "Hey" he says kissing my forehead. "Hey" I answer back.

"Everything go okay at the infirmary yesterday?" he asks.

"Yeah" I reply nonchalantly. "Everything's fine I just have a bug."

"Good" he says. "Come on, we're going down to the targets. Caleb needs all the practice he can get."

I nod, and get up from my cot. Tobias takes my hand.

For a few moments, my mind lingers. I want to believe that this child is his. But what if it's not?

"Hey" he says squeezing my hand. "You okay?"

_No, don't tell him yet. _

I smile. "Yeah" I say. "I'm fine."

Caleb stares into a microscope, peering through the eyepiece examining a serum. I sit on the edge of a lab table and watch him from a distance. In just a few hours, he will be gone.

I close my eyes and see Caleb and me as children. Hopping over cracks in the curb, laughing. Jump roping together in our backyard. Kicking pebbles into the road for fun.

Why did we both have to grow up so fast?

"080712" Caleb mutters, still looking into the microscope. He looks up at me.

"Matthew wants me to repeat the code every few minutes."

I hope he doesn't see me flinch on the word "Matthew." I haven't told Caleb yet. I don't even know if I should. These are his last few hours, and I don't want his last thoughts to be of leaving his pregnant younger sister.

I nod at him. "Good idea" I say. I get up from the table and stand next to him. "Are you scared?" I ask him.

His lip pulls down into a frown, and he steps away from the microscope.

"No" he says. "Everyone dies, right? So I don't see why people go through their whole life afraid of death, something we all have to face."

"Yeah, but, some people might not be afraid of death, but how they enter it" I say.

He looks at me.

"I mean, did you ever imagine yourself going like this, Caleb? Running into a room with death serum spewing through the air?"

For a long time, he stares at me, his eyes glassy.

"It's not how I imagined it" he admits. "But it'll be worth it. I'm doing this for you, Beatrice. I deserve it after all the horrible things I've done to hurt you. I want your forgiveness."

I feel as if my heart had just been slammed by a hammer. Even though Caleb's betrayal scarred me, his selflessness has always comforted me.

"You don't have to" I tell him. "You've already earned my forgiveness. You don't have to this, Caleb."

"Yes" he demands. "I have to. If I don't then who will?"

I ball my hands into fists and set my jaw. "Me" I say firmly.

Caleb's eyes harden. "No" he says. "I won't let you."

"You can't stop me" I say raising my voice.

Caleb's gaze drifts to the floor. "You're right" he says. "I can't stop you." I feel the heat leave my cheeks.

"Now give me the backpack" I say. I try to grab it from him, but he yanks it away.

"_I _can't stop you" he repeats. "But there is someone who can."

I raise my eyebrows.

"That child" he says pointing to my stomach.

I let out a little gasp. "You know?" I whisper.

"I overheard you and Christiana talking last night" he says. I let my hands drop to my side. Whose life does Caleb care more about? Mine? My unborn child's?

Maybe the both of us.

"You will not only be claiming your life, but the life of an innocent child" he says.

Tears sting behind my eyes.

"I've already destroyed the life of this child!" I shout. "I have no home, no family, and I'm only sixteen! How am I supposed to take care of a child when I can barely provide for myself?" I hear my voice crack but I don't care.

"You can do it" Caleb insists. "And you do have family."

He throws the backpack over his shoulder.

"Your friends are your family now."

Just then, Matthew bursts in, his eyes wild.

It's time" he says.

Caleb takes a deep breath and looks at me. "I love you, Beatrice" he tells me.

He darts out into the hallway. I run after him.

"Caleb!" I holler. "No!"

He keeps running. I go after him as fast as my feet will allow me to.

"No!" I yell again. I feel string arms wrap around my chest, holding me back.

"Tris, it's okay" a stern voice says in my ear. Matthew.

I thrash and claw at his arms. Tears pour down my face and I keep screaming, at the top of my lungs to my brother.

And that's when he does it.

He gives me one last glance over his shoulder. And despite all the chaos- the sirens blaring, the guards shooting, I manage to catch the small smile he gives me. So much like my mother's last one to me.

And time is frozen.

Matthew loosens his grip on me once I've stopped thrashing. My cheeks are wet with tears and my throat is raw.

"Hey" Matthew says in my ear. "It's okay."

I turn around to face him.

And in that moment I don't care that he's the boy who used me. The boy I've been avoiding all week. I just need a shoulder to cry on.

So I do.


	5. Chapter 5: Revealed

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. **

Chapter 5: Revealed

I sit in front of the sculpture with the gushing water. Some of it spills over the tank, soaking my shoes.

I haven't slept in days, but I don't feel tired. Just alone. Even though I'm not.

Caleb was cremated yesterday. I was asked if I wanted to see his body. But if I had, I just would've been reminded that I'm the one who let him do this and that I had failed to protect the last member of my family.

So I didn't.

I catch a glimpse of my reflection in a puddle of water at my feet.

Staring back at me is a girl with hollow, empty eyes that are more dull gray than light blue. A girl with heavy bags under her eyes, and greasy, unwashed blond hair.

I stare at her for a long time before slamming my palm into the puddle. Droplets of water splash onto my cheeks. They are cold, different from the hot ones that have been on my face lately.

I sit there for a long time, lost. Finally, I hear heavy footsteps behind me and Tobias sits at my side. I don't look at him. Instead my eyes drift to the opposite direction, not wanting to exchange contact with anyone right now.

"I don't know how to comfort you, because there's no way I can know what you're going through right now" he says. "So I'm just going to be here by your side. Maybe my presence will make this easier somehow."

I look at him, and I don't care about the tears swimming in my eyes. Tobias's strength makes me feel stronger.

"It does" I say. I rest my head on his shoulder and close my eyes.

"Stay" I whisper. "Don't let me go."

He kisses my head. "I won't let you go" he whispers back. "Just don't let go of me."

Later that night in the dorms when everyone else is asleep, I sit on the edge of my cot and watch Tobias kick off his shoes and put on a new shirt.

I tap my foot rapidly. I decide that I'll tell him now, because if I don't, I never will.

He looks at me. "You okay?" he asks. His face is full of concern.

I stand up and wipe my hands on my jeans. "Outside" I say.

I lead him out into the hallway, and lean my back against the wall to face him. His eyes are wide with worry. "What's wrong?" he asks.

My breaths are shaky and I sick to my stomach. "I'm pregnant" I say barely above a whisper.

His expression is blank. If he's angry, shocked, or scared, he's doing a great job of hiding it.

"Since when?" he finally asks.

"I found out at the infirmary a few days ago" I tell him.

Tobias looks down at the floor, and keeps his eyes there for a while .

When he finally does look up at me, I see a familiar look in his eyes. The same look he had when we entered his fear landscape and when he woke up from the attack simulation and discovered that he had almost killed me. He is scared,

"Tris" he says, "I'm so sorry, I never meant for this to happen."

"Yeah, well, I should be the one apologizing" I admit.

He looks confused.

"Why do you say that?" he asks quietly.

"Tobias" I start, "I'm not sure if this child is even yours."

He raises his eyebrows.

"I should have told you earlier. Right before we got back together, there was someone else and we…" This is hard. Much harder than I thought.

"Who?" Tobias asks, his voice cracking

I hesitate before answering. "Matthew."

The fear has left his eyes. And now I can see anger stampeding through them.

"Tobias" I say. "You have to know that there is nothing going on between us. We just spent one night together. It means nothing to me now."

"Then why? Why'd you do it, Tris?" he asks, harshly.

"Because I was willing to do anything to be loved again!" I nearly shout. "Your absence hurt me, Tobias. In ways I couldn't even imagine. I spent too much time thinking about myself, blaming you for everything that's happened. Then one night I had a dream that you were dying and I was helpless. That's when I knew I had to find my way back to you. But then Matthew took me back to his apartment and he… told me that he was in love with me."

My voice shakes on the last sentence. It's the first time I've said it out loud to anyone before. I take a step back and press my hand to my forehead. In take a deep breath.

"He was just using me for…that" I say.

Tobias stares at the floor.

Finally, he says, "You could've just talked to me. It's not like I didn't miss you."

"I know" I say. "I'm sorry. I should've just come to you in the first place."

Tobias looks up at me. "When will you know if this child is mine or not?" he asks.

"When I'm far enough, I'll get a DNA test, and we'll know for sure."

Tobias is quiet before asking, "Does Matthew know?"

I shake my head. "I haven't actually spoken to him since…" "Oh" he says.

He eventually folds me into his arms, and holds me there for a long time.

I rest my chin on his shoulder as a single tear rolls down my face.


	6. Chapter 6: Promises

**I'm home sick so I thought I'd post another chapter! Again, thank you to everyone who's been reviewing this story it means so much to me that you read it **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. **

Chapter 6: Promises

It has been one month since Caleb died. In that time, I have left his remains in the morgue, unsure of what he would want me to do with them.

The Bureau has provided us with apartments located on the fourth story, which I have never even seen before. Each one has a small kitchen, a room with a couch and a few chairs, a bedroom and a bathroom.

Tobias and I made sure that our apartments were right next to each other. That way he can hear my blood curdling scream when I emerge from the nightmares, and hold me close until they pass.

But I deep inside, I know they'll never go away.

And on those mornings I wake up sick, he's there to hold my hair back as I vomit into the toilet and folds me into his arms until I stop trembling.

Late one afternoon, I take a walk outside. I'm not going anywhere in particular , I just need to get out for a little while. The snow hasn't completely melted yet, but specks of green have begun to sprout through the ground.

A gust of wind blows past me, and I zip my jacket up to my throat. I walk until I find myself at the fence. The fence that surrounds Chicago.

I grab hold of the barbed wire and peer through. Nothing stirs.

In the distance, I see apartment buildings being built just north of the river. They are light gray, much like the Abnegation homes and are about four stories high. I close my eyes and imagine myself living there.

I could watch my child play by the riverbank through my window. But of course, that is just a fantasy.

After this baby is born, my life will be absolute chaos. How will I maintain a healthy relationship with Tobias if this baby isn't his? Or if it is his, how will we have time for each other?

I start walking back, my mind fresh with thoughts. Part of me is wishing that this child is Tobias's. The other part of me is wishing that this never even happened in the first place.

A long time ago, before the factions were formed, abortion became illegal because many people viewed it as a form of killing. But even if it wasn't illegal, it wouldn't be an option for me.

I think back of what I said to Caleb in the weapons lab. About how I was willing to sacrifice myself, despite being pregnant. About how I would be doing this child a favor if I died, because I wasn't able to provide for it.

But something changed after Caleb died. I can't let anyone else die because of me. I look down at my stomach, which is still flat as a board, and silently promise to my child that I will never do anything that will cost them their life.

When I return to the Bureau, Matthew is standing outside.

"Hi, Tris" he says. I freeze.

"Hi" I mutter back.

"You got a minute?" he asks.

I shrug. "Fine."

I follow him inside down a narrow hallway until we reach a dead end.

Matthew stops and turns around to face me.

"So" he says, "how have you been?"

"Well, you know, it's not easy. I lost my whole family in less than a year. It will always be hard."

Matthew nods. "I know."

"Then why'd you ask?" I snap.

"I just wanted to know if was getting any easier" he says.

"Well, it's not" I tell him.

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"Me too" I say.

I bounce on the balls of my feet, about to leave when Matthew drops a hand on my shoulder.

"I wanted to talk to you about… something else."

I nod. "Okay."

He sighs deeply and scratches the back of his neck. "Listen, Tris, that night that we spent together… it meant a lot to me. And I'm sorry that I've been avoiding you. I'm just… sorry Tris" he says.

I stare at him. He's not making any sense.

"Did you really mean all the things you said to me that night?" I whisper.

Matthew doesn't say anything. He just stares blankly at me.

I roll my eyes. "Yeah" I say. "That's what I thought."

My hands ball into fists and I storm off.

But not before turning around and saying, "Oh yeah, by the way, I'm pregnant."

As I continue to walk further down the hallways of the Bureau, my anger fades. I press my hands to my cheeks. They are warm. I scold myself for being this way around Matthew. He's just a boy, no older than Tobias. I shake my head.

I eventually find myself by a large window overlooking the airplane terminals. I hug my knees to my chest and stare at the massive planes. I don't know how long I sit there until Matthew finds me and sits across from me. I don't look at him.

"You're pregnant?" he whispers.

To my surprise, he doesn't sound alarmed or too caught off guard.

I nod. He lets out a deep breath. "Wow. Tris, I'm sorry, I really didn't" "Spare me your apologies. I'm not even sure if it's yours."

He raises his eyebrows.

"After you and I… Tobias and I…"

I'm not prepared to see the hurt look on Matthew's face. He is obviously upset that Tobias and I are back together.

I should feel something. Sorry, surprised. But I don't.

Maybe he does care about me.

"Oh" he mumbles. "Bu there's still a chance that this child could be mine?"

I stare at him.

"Do you want it to be?" I ask.

He frowns and looks out the window.

"I don't know" he says. "I just want what's best for this child. And I'll do anything it takes for that to happen."

Matthew's cheeks are flushed and he blinks a few times before murmuring, "I have to go. Bye, Tris."

And he's gone.

For the first time in a month, I view Matthew in a different way.

He has shown me the intelligent side of him when he shared information about the experiment and the Bureau with me that I would've never discovered on my own.

He showed me the trustworthy part of him when he volunteered to help us wipe the memories of the Bureau.

He showed me the selfish part of him when he told me that he loved me then avoided me for six weeks.

But now he has shown me the caring side of him. He wants what is best for this child even if it's not his own.

I look into the dark hallway.

"Me too" I whisper, though he can't hear me.


	7. Chapter 7: Demons

**All right, so this chapter is absolute shit in my opinion. So just bear with it, it's gonna get worse before it gets better. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. **

Chapter 7: Demons

Four months go by, and I still barely exchange more than a few words with Matthew. I spend most of my time with Tobias. Traveling to Chicago, watching as the factions crumble. Tobias tells me he plans to move to the apartments that are being built just north of the river. Even though we were told by the Bureau that we were welcome to stay in the apartments they provided us with, both of us know that it is only temporary.

Tobias and I sit on a bench facing the river as the sun sets. A warm spring breeze fills the air. Tobias drops an arm around my shoulders.

"When I move, I want you to come with me" he says.

I lace my fingers with his. "Tobias" I whisper. "You know I want to. But I have to wait until the DNA test results come back. That way we'll know for sure."

My stomach is still sore from where the doctor injected the needle to extract the child's DNA so that it could be matched with Matthew's and Tobias's.

I went this morning. The doctor told me the results should come back tomorrow or the day after that at the latest. I also got to listen to the baby's heartbeat.

It wasn't the first time I got to, but the times before that, I couldn't hear it very well over the sound of my own heartbeat pounding through my ears.

But this time I really listened. It sounded like a regular heartbeat, only not as strong. The doctor said that it was healthy; the gentle _thump-thump _told her so. Out of all the wonderful things I have heard in the world, that heartbeat was the most beautiful thing I have ever listened to.

"I know" Tobias says. "But is Matthew ready? If it's his, does he really want this?"

I turn to him. "I think the more important question is are you ready, Tobias? Are you more afraid that this child is not yours and that it might affect our relationship or are you more afraid that it is yours and that you might turn into your father?"

Tobias flinches when I say that. He loves me, and I know that one of his biggest fears is losing me.

But I also know that one of his other biggest fears is his father, and turning into the person his father was. But after all he's been through; I find it impossible for him to treat a child that way.

"I don't know" he says.

The next morning, I wake up and get dressed. I stand in front of the mirror in my bathroom and pull a tight, black shirt over my head. That's when I see the bump. The unmistakable swell in my middle officially announcing to anyone who sees me that I'm pregnant. I put my hand on it and stroke my fingers over it. Nothing. Of course the baby wouldn't be moving this early.

Someone knocks on the door. "Come in" I say. Tobias opens the door.

"Good morning" he says, kissing my forehead. "Morning" I reply. "Have you seen Christiana anywhere? I wanted to ask her something."

But he's not looking at me. His gaze has drifted down to my swollen abdomen.

"Was that there last yesterday?" he asks. I shake my head. "No" I say. "It happened over night."

"Oh" he says. He keeps his eyes on it for a few seconds. "What do you need to ask Christiana?" he asks.

"Nothing important. I just wanted to know where she was moving after all of this" I say.

"I think I overheard her talking about moving into an available apartment on one of the higher floors of the Hancock Building yesterday with Cara."

I raise my eyebrows. "I didn't know that there were apartments in the Hancock Building. I thought it was a business building like the Hub."

Tobias nods. "Well now that the experiment is over things are changing."

I look down at my stomach.

"Everything is changing" I say.

Later that day, I meet Christiana outside the Bureau.

"Tobias told me that you were considering moving into an apartment in the Hancock Building" I say. She nods. "Zeke and Shauna told me they want to move there. It has an amazing view" she says. "There are actually a lot of apartments available. You should move there."

I smile. "Thanks for the offer, but you know I can't."

Christiana looks confused. "Why not?" she asks.

"Because I want to be close to Tobias. And with his fear of heights…" "Oh" she says. "I get it."

I nod, and look down at the bump. "And with a baby" I say, "I don't think I'd want to be somewhere too high up."

Christiana stares at me, her eyes wide. "You're keeping the baby?" she asks, sounding surprised.

I stare back at her. "Well, what else am I supposed to do?"

"Adoption" she suggests.

I stop, shocked. I haven't considered adoption.

"No" I say. "Christiana I can't give my child to someone else."

"Well wouldn't that be best" she says. "You said it yourself, Tris, you don't even know if you can provide for it."

"It's so selfish" I say angrily. "Giving up my child because I screwed up? I'd only be punishing them."

"Well, wouldn't it be even more selfish to keep a child you know you can't take care of! Wouldn't you rather give it the best life it can have? And your life, Tris, by keeping this child you might be ruining your own!

I am surprised by the anger in her tone. I feel tears well up in my eyes but I don't care.

"I thought you were Abnegation born, Tris" Christiana says quietly.

Something inside me boils with frustration. She's supposed to be my friend, and she's not making this any easier for me. Hot anger courses through my veins and I clench my teeth.

"How dare you" I say. "How dare you say all those things to me. Well Christiana, let me ask you, have you lost your _entire _family in less than a year? Have you ever been responsible for so many deaths of people you love?" I am nearly shouting. "Maybe I want to keep this child to make up for all my losses! To somehow heal the burning hole in my heart! I already feel terrible about his, and you just want to make me feel worse!"

I turn around and storm back inside. Christiana doesn't call after me. I don't expect her to.

Once I'm safely inside the Bureau, I allow the tears I've been holding back spill over. I'm afraid that I lost my best friend. And in times like these I could really use a friend. But I'm more afraid that she's right. Am I being selfish for keeping this child?

Once the tears have stopped, I continue down the hallway to go up to my apartment.

"Tris" a voice behind me says. I turn around. The doctor who usually sees me is standing there. "Hi" I say.

"I just wanted to let you know that the DNA test results came back" she says. "The baby is Matthew's."


	8. Chapter 8: Bent

**MUHAHAHA I ended the last chapter with a cliffy! I FEEL EVIL. ALMOST AS EVIL AS VERONICA ROTH. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. **

Chapter 8: Bent

I sit with my hands folded in my lap on my couch. Tobias and Matthew sit across from me in chairs. I can tell that they are uncomfortable by each other's presence, but I wanted to tell both of them at the same time.

I take a deep breath. "Yesterday the test results came back" I say. They both scoot forward nervously in their chairs. I look at Matthew. "It's yours" I say quietly.

Matthew doesn't say anything for a few seconds. His eyes drift to the floor and he nods. "Okay" he says.

I raise my eyebrows. "That's all you have to say?" I ask.

Matthew shrugs. "There's nothing really more to say" he says. He pushes himself out of the chair. "Goodbye, Tris. Thank you."

My eyes follow him out the door. What does he mean?

I turn back to Tobias.

"So now what?" he says. "Are you going to move in with him so you two could raise this child together? Are you going to fall in love with him all over again? What happens next, Tris?"

He is angry. I can't say I blame him.

"Tobias I never wanted this to happen. You know that. It just happened" I try to say as calmly as possible.

"Nothing _just_ happens, Tris" he snaps. "Did you _just _assume that having unprotected sex wouldn't lead to possibly getting pregnant?"

"Okay, stop it. This child could've been yours, you know. _We _did it with no protection too. But even though this is Matthew's baby, I choose you! I'm always going to choose you" I say.

"Are you?" Tobias says harshly. "Do you really?"

My lower lip trembles. "Tobias" I whisper, "how can you say that?"

"How can I say it? Tris, you're carrying a child that belongs to _Matthew. _Doesn't that make _him _a part of you?"

Something inside me snaps and I anger course through every inch of my body.

"Get out" I say through gritted teeth.

Tobias is out the door in less than ten seconds.

My hands ball up into fists and sit on the couch. My eyes burn.

_No _I think. _No more crying. _

That's when I feel a twisting sensation in my stomach. It's painless, but it surprises me.

I gasp, and put a hand over the bump. I feel it again. The baby is moving. I keep my hand there and the moving continues. After a few seconds, it stops.

Panicked, I slowly take my hand away.

Now there's nothing. But it moved. I felt it.

I lie down on the couch and stare up at the ceiling. A few minutes later, it moves again.

This time instead of panicking, I place both my hands over my stomach and let the gentle sway of my child put me to sleep.

That night, my dream starts off with Tobias standing arm's length away from me. His extends his hands to mine.

"Come on" he whispers, "I have something to show you"

He pulls me into his arms and presses his lips to mine. I kiss him back, and run my fingers through his hair.

That's when I hear a sound behind me. Soft, by high pitched. A crying baby.

I turn around, away from Tobias, and at my feet is an infant wrapped in a pale blue blanket. I kneel down, next to the baby, discovering that he has the same dark blue eyes as Matthew.

"Tobias" I whisper, "We have to help him."

No response. "Tobias?" I look over my shoulder, but Tobias is not there. I push myself up to my feet, and when I do, the baby wails again. "Tobias" I say louder this time. Nothing. "Tobias!" I holler. The baby screams in response.

"Shut up!" I yell at it, guilt hitting me instantly. I can't leave this baby, I know that. But I have to find Tobias.

I call his name over and over again, screaming as loud as I can, but he never answers me back. He is gone.

And I am alone.

I wake up with tears pooled in my eyes. Before I can stop it, a sob bursts from my mouth and I hug my knees to my chest. Now there is nobody to fight off my nightmares. Now I am really alone.

**Okay guys, next chapter I post wont be a chapter. Its gonna be a REALLY IMPORTANT authors note. I just want to make some stuff clear**


	9. Chapter 9: Breaking Away

**So this was supposed to be an author's note regarding two reviews I read that were posted a few days ago, but somehow they got deleted so I won't keep you guys waiting for the next chapter! But I will say this: I really appreciate all the great reviews I've been getting from both users and guests! You guys have no idea how much you make me smile! But I will say this: if you don't like a chapter please don't post a bad review, cause that just brings me down. I'm least likely to finish this story if I get bad reviews if there are some grammar or spelling mistakes then that's my bitch computer's fault because I use it to check for any spelling or grammar mistakes I may have made before I post anything. Please don't comment any mistakes I may have made in some chapters because that's just being something I like to call a smartass. Thank you and here's the next chapter! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. **

Chapter 9: Breaking Away

Two months crawl by, and I feel further away from everyone than I ever have. And spending my days sitting in my apartment and walking aimlessly around the Bureau hasn't been any help.

I know that it's my fault that my closest friends are either dead or not speaking to me. I could've done something to stop that from happening, but I didn't. _Selfish. _

The bump in my stomach continues to grow, to the point where if I look down, I can't see my toes anymore and walking becomes more difficult.

I go to the doctor's as often as I can, because even though most of what I loved as slipped away from me, this child hasn't. I'd like to keep it that way.

The doctor tells me that the baby is fine, and continues to grow at a healthy rate. Usually I don't ask for an ultra sound picture, but this time, I do.

I clutch it tight in my fist as I walk out of the infirmary, and don't loosen my grip until I enter my apartment. I lean against the door and press the picture against my cheek as a tear makes it way out of the corner of my eye.

I think of what Tobias said to me after Caleb died. About how he wouldn't let me go, as long as I didn't let go of him. But I let go of him, the night I told him that I was carrying Matthew's child. Somehow I feel as if I am still holding on to him, because I can't let go of him. I study the picture, relieved to discover that the important parts seem to be there. Head, two arms, two legs. I also can't let go of this baby.

Later that day, I go outside. Summer has brought dry air and humidity. But it has also brought an endless gleaming ray of sunshine and beautiful green grass. My mother was once told me that I was her sunshine on the darkest day. But she was mine. And that's why I'm here.

The walk has exhausted me, so I sit by the riverbank and stare at my reflection in the glistening water. Then I look up.

"What do I do mom?" I ask. The wind blows lightly in response. "I messed up. I've lost everything I've ever wanted in my life, including you, dad and Caleb." I look back down at the ground. "I don't even know who I am anymore" I whisper.

I wonder what my parents would think of me if they were here to see that I was pregnant. Would they even view me as their daughter anymore? When I chose Dauntless, it was something I chose to do with my own life. But getting pregnant has affected those who I love lives. Will they ever be able to forgive me? Will I ever be able to forgive myself?

So many questions, yet no answers lie ahead.

The walk back is even more exhausting, and by the time I'm at my apartment at the Bureau, I can barely stand.

I'm surprised to see Zeke and Shauna outside my door. They smile at me.

"What are you guys doing here?" I ask.

"Don't ask questions. Just come with us" Zeke says.

"Can it wait until tomorrow?" I ask, "I'm exhausted."

Zeke's grin disappears. "Well, aren't you good at ruining the happy mood" he says.

"Oh, come on, give her a break" Shauna says, "she's over seven months pregnant."

Shauna props herself up in her wheelchair. "This won't take long, we promise. Just come with us."

"And if you're really that tired, I'll carry you" Zeke says.

I laugh. "I'm not as light as I used to be" I say. "But it's fine, I can walk."

Zeke and Shauna lead me down to the strip of apartments that are being built just north of the river. They stop outside one of the doors on the first floor, facing the river.

"Matthew told us that you wanted one of these apartments" Zeke says.

_How did Matthew know?_ I think. But instead I just nod. "Yeah" I say.

Shauna smiles and hands me a key. "This is for you" she says.

I smile, and use the key to unlock the door.

The apartment is much bigger than I imagined. It has a wide foyer with white tile floors. When I first walk in, to my left there is an empty room except for a couch pushed up against the wall. To my right, there is a kitchen with a table and a few chairs.

"Guys" I say. "It's amazing."

And it really is, considering how much room there is. I'll be much happier living here than in the Bureau.

"And that's not all" Shauna says, wheeling herself past me. "Come on!"

I follow her to the end of the hall, where there are two bedrooms. One of them had a queen sized bed and a dresser, with a bathroom connected to it. The other one contains a crib and a dresser.

"Baby's room" Zeke says. "We were going to paint the walls, but Matthew told us that you weren't sure if you were having a boy or girl."

"It's perfect" I say. "Thank you so much. I can't believe that you guys did all this for me."

Zeke and Shauna exchange a look. "We actually didn't really do any of this" Zeke says. "It was all Matthew. He just asked us to bring you here."

I stare at him in disbelief. "Matthew?" I ask.

Zeke nods. "He did everything. He picked out the apartment, he painted up some of the walls, and put in the furniture."

I continue to stare at him. "Where is Matthew? Why isn't he here?"

Zeke and Shauna share a look. "He thought you'd be uncomfortable with him here" Shauna says.

"Why would I be uncomfortable?" I say.

"I think he just feels guilty for everything's that's happened" Shauna says.

"He shouldn't" I say. And I mean it. This is my fault as much as it is his. We both made a mistake. I drove him away too. Yet he still found enough love for me to do this.

Zeke and Shauna eventually leave, and I sit on the edge of my bed. Matthew did all of this. Out of what? Guilt? Kindness? Love?

Maybe he did it for all three reasons. He cares about me. And this baby. _His _baby. I feel as if an empty spot in my heart just became whole again. It is a relief knowing that there are still people who are living that care about me.


	10. Chapter 10: Cruel World

**Hey guys! Sorry its taking me longer to update, but with regents exams coming up I haven't found much time to write! I've decided that I'm going to ignore all bad reviews or any criticism. I'm not going to waste my time with rude bitches- you know who you are. Those of you who post kind reviews mean SO much more to me than those assholes! I'm also going to be writing a sequel to this called Somewhere Loved, which goes into more detail on Tris and Matthew's relationship and how they manage to raise their child. And I'll be writing two more after that, but I haven't come up with titles for them yet. I already have an epilogue planned for this fic and the final fic of this series. So here's Chapter 10- I have a feeling you all will like this one! And for those of you who don't know, Tris is now eight months pregnant. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. **

Chapter 10: Cruel World

"Tris" a voice says, softly. My eyes peel open, and my mother is kneeling next to my bed. She looks just like I remember her. Blonde hair tied back in a knot, light eyes and warm smile. She brushes a few strands of loose hair that are dangling in front of my eyes behind my ears. I manage to give her a smile back. "Mom" I say.

She nods. "Don't worry. Everything is going to be all right. You'll see." I'm not exactly sure what she means, but I nod. My mother grabs my hand and laces her fingers with mine.

"He will have his father's eyes, his mother's hair. A beautiful little boy" she whispers. My eyes suddenly feel lighter, and I open them wide. "Mom" I say, "You know?"

She slowly pulls her hand from my grasp. "I love you, Beatrice" she says. She stands up, revealing her gray abnegation robes that she had worn as long as I could remember. "I love you, Mom" I say back, my voice strained. And then she's gone.

She never answered my question.

I wake up with dry eyes for a change. Last night's dream was the first one that made me feel secure and comforted rather than horrified and pained in nearly a year. My mother was taken away from me the day she was shot by the mind controlled dauntless soldiers during the attack on abnegation. But she never really left. I see her in myself when I look in a mirror. I feel her beside me in dreams. And just like everyone else I lost, I'll see her again.

Two weeks since I've moved into the apartment, and every day it's the same routine. I sit by my window and watch the sun glistening on the river. Zeke and Shauna visit as often as they can, putting new furniture in or just sitting with me and talking. Shauna even brings me a stuffed bear. It is light brown, with button eyes and nose.

"For the baby" she says. "I made it myself."

"It's amazing" I tell her. "Maybe I could give it to Tobias." I force a laugh, which turns into a sob. Shauna wraps her arms around me.

"Tris" she says sympathetically, "you haven't lost him for good. It isn't too late to fix this. He still loves you."

I sob harder into her shoulder, though I know she's right. Tobias and I can fix our relationship. We have before. But that was when I didn't have a child to worry about. Shauna squeezes my hand, and I know that I must be strong to have Tobias next to me again. I will have him back.

"Making up takes twice as strength as breaking up" Shauna says. "I know you can do it."

That night, I fall asleep uncomfortably on my side, clutching the bear tight to my chest, determined to never let it go.

The next morning, I'm sitting in my kitchen having breakfast. I stare at the empty chair across from me, imagining Tobias sitting there, his deep blue irises staring into mine, telling me that he loves me, promising he won't let me go as long as I don't let go of him. A tear slips out of the corner of my eye and into my oatmeal.

There's a knock at the door. My heart leaps, hoping that it's Tobias. But when I open the door and see Matthew standing there, it plummets back down.

"Hi, Tris" he says.

"Hi" I manage to say.

"You got a minute?" he asks.

"Sure" I say, "let's go inside."

Matthew follows me into the living room, and sits next to me on the couch. He looks at me, and for a second I think he is going to reach out and grab my hand, but instead he just folds them in his lap.

For a few seconds, both of us are quiet, avoiding eye contact with each other. He probably feels as awkward as I do right now. I haven't spoken to him since the night I told him that the baby was his. I knew that things wouldn't run smoothly between us after everything that's happened, but he _did _tell me that he wanted what was best for this child. And after the lies he's told me, does he at least still believe that?

Finally, I'm the one who breaks the silence.

"Thank you. For this apartment."

He stares at me.

"It's beautiful, Matthew. It really is. I love it."

Matthew smiles. "You're welcome. I'm glad you like it."

He turns a little so that he is facing me. "Tris" he says. "I actually came here because I think we need to talk about this."

I nod. "Absolutely."

He sighs. "First, I want to apologize. For everything I've done to hurt you. I never meant to come between you and Tobias."

He looks at me sympathetically. He is sincerely sorry. My body fills with warmth, and I feel safe, just like the night we spent together in his apartment.

"Matthew, everything that's happened is just as my fault as it is yours."

"Not all of it" he says. "I should've came to you sooner. I'm just… afraid."

I look at him. "Of what?" I ask.

His gaze drifts to the floor for a few seconds, then lifts back up to me. "Of turning into my father" he says.

I stare at him, shocked.

"I try to hide the scars, but every morning when I wake up, I feel as if they are making themselves more visible upon my back. And it's only gotten worse since you told me that you were pregnant."

He looks at the floor again. I think about telling him about Tobias. About how he had an abusive father and that his most horrid fear is of him, or turning into him. But I stop myself. There is a reason that I'm the only one Tobias let into his fear landscape. Some things have to stay between us.

"I never knew that" I say quietly. "But Matthew, trust me, I'm just as scared as you are. I don't know how I can bring a child into the world where I lost my parents, my friends."

Matthew nods. "Yeah" he agrees. "It's a cruel world."

He slides one of his hands across the couch, closer to mine.

"This won't be easy, Matthew. But we'll make it work. We're in this together" I tell him.

He smiles. "I know" he says. He's quiet for a few seconds, but he continues to stare at me. "You remind me so much of her" he whispers.

"Of who?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "It doesn't matter" he says. "Not anymore."

_It doesn't matter, not anymore. _That was the same thing he had said to me when I asked him who haunts his nightmares.

He pushes himself up from the couch. "Thank you, Tris" he says. He starts toward the door.

That's when I feel the fluttering against my stomach. The fluttering that's been happening for almost a month now, that only means the baby's kicking.

"Matthew" I call after him. "Wait, I have to show you something."

Matthew turns around, and comes back to sit next to me on the couch. I grab his hand, and guide it over my swollen belly. Another kick.

Matthew's eyes widen, and he tries to pull his hand away out of alarm, but I squeeze it.

"No, it's okay" I whisper. I can feel Matthew's pulse beat through his fingers. He laughs lightly, and places both his hands over the bump. The baby's kicks get stronger and Matthew's smile gets wider.

"That's amazing" he says. "Does it hurt?"

"Not at all" I say. "The doctor told me that it is able to hear us. But I haven't really said anything directly to it."

Matthew's eyes flick up to mine. "There's not much to say" he says. I laugh a little, and the kicking stops.

Matthew looks worried. "What happened?" he asks. "Why did it stop?"

"It can't move all the time" I remind him. "It's exhausting."

Matthew laughs and takes his hands away from my stomach. "Thank you" he says. "That was incredible."

I lean my head against the back of the couch and think about telling Matthew about the dream I had. My mother's words still echo in my head. _He will have his father's eyes and mother's hair, a beautiful little boy. _But then quickly decide to keep it to myself. It was just a dream. It wasn't real.

"Listen" Matthew says, "there's also something else I need to tell you." He looks at me and grins a little. "I know the gender of the baby."

I can feel my eyes widen. "How?" I ask him.

"I know the doctor. She told me. She didn't tell you?" He looks surprised.

"I didn't ask her" I say. "I've been so overwhelmed these past few weeks."

Matthew looks down at the floor again. "Me too" he says.

After a few seconds pass, he gets up. "I better get going" he says.

I push myself up from the couch and follow him to the doorway. Before he steps out, he stops and leans against the doorway. We look into each other's eyes, and both smile. That's when he grabs my hand and slips something in between my fingers. Then he's gone.

I watch through the open door as he leaves. I sigh, and lean against the wall to see what he put in my hand. It is a folded up piece of paper. I unfold it carefully, and flatten out the wrinkles. In the center of the paper is writing in red ink. I hold it closer to read what it says:

_It's a boy. _


	11. Chapter 11: Holding On

**IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE****: Hey guys, so there are only four more chapters left in this fic (just warning you now that the second to last chapter will be VERY long for a special reason…) But I decided to do something cool… after all of the chapters are done and posted I will be posting a bonus chapter for anyone who had any questions about this fic, such as where did I get the idea from (its actually a funny story so someone PLEASE ask me that) and I will gladly answer any questions you have!:) I also want to apologize for acting so bitchy. It was my decision to write this fic and put it online, and if you feel that it needs some constructive criticism, go ahead and tell me in the reviews. I cant make everyone like this story because everyone has their own opinions and I respect that. The only thing I ask is if you want to post some constructive criticism, please find a way to it nicely. I also have a question for all of you: What details do you want to be included in the sequel? Leave me a suggestion in the reviews! Thank you my lovely readers and Be Brave. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. **

Chapter 11: Holding on

"He moved into an apartment on one of the top stories of the Hancock Building" Shauna tells me. She and Zeke sit across from me on the couch, as I lean against the wall. I asked them if either of them knew where Tobias had gone. I haven't spoken to him in over three months.

I raise my eyebrows. "Did he somehow forget his fear of heights?" I ask, sarcastically.

Zeke and Shauna both shrug. "He wouldn't tell us why he moved in that particular spot. He hasn't been himself since…" I bite my lip and nod. "Okay" I almost whisper.

Zeke stands up and walks over to me. "Tris, you need to know that it has nothing to do with you. Him moving to that place is not your fault. Not at all."

I want to believe him, but I can't. I have to find out from Tobias himself.

I want to. So I will.

A few nights later, I travel through the city to the Hancock Building. As I pass the abnegation sector, I notice that the cracked pavement I walked along to get to school on most days, is gone, replaced by a strip of black pebbles. Every place I have come to know is changing. My life is being transformed into ways I could've never imagined. I don't know if I like it or I don't.

The Hancock Building is so high; I have to tilt my head back to see the top. I walk inside, clutching the address that Shauna wrote down for me in my sweaty palm. The elevator ride up nauseates me, and I have to close my eyes and grip the railing inside to steady it.

Finally, the elevator halts to a stop and the doors open. My head spinning, I stumble out into the aisle. My eyes drift out the large window to my right. The height from this point is enough to make me back away. How can Tobias handle living in a place like this?

I continue down the hallway until I notice that one of the doors is wide open, with dim lighting leaking out of it. I peek inside, and Tobias is standing in the kitchen, his back facing me. There are boxes surrounding almost every inch of the apartment. Some are open, but the rest are sealed shut. I take a step forward into the doorway.

"Hey" I say.

Tobias turns around. He wears a hard expression on his face. But when he sees me, it softens slightly. "Hey" he mumbles back.

My eyes scan the apartment. It has a small kitchen, with a living room directly next to it. There's hardly any furniture. Just a few chairs and a brown couch. The walls are painted tan, with some chipping off near the top.

"When did you move here?" I ask. Tobias walks out of the kitchen carrying a box. "About a week ago. I still haven't got everything unpacked yet." I nod.

"Need help?" I offer. Tobias shifts the box he's carrying into another arm to lift up another. "I'm not making you work in your condition" he says, nodding to my swollen belly.

"I'm pregnant, not dying" I say. "I'm fine, here, just let me help." I bend forward to scoop up a box from the floor, embarrassed as I strain to stand straight.

Tobias shakes his head. "Tris" he says taking the box from me. "Don't hurt yourself." He carries the boxes to the end of the hallway and leans against a door that leads to a balcony outside. He looks at me. "You coming?" he asks.

Tobias leads me out onto the balcony. The night air is thick and humid due to earlier's rainfall. I grip the railing so hard my knuckles turn white, and I close my eyes reminding myself over and over that I can't fall.

Tobias leans his arms against the railing and looks straight ahead. "It's not much" he says. "But it works."

I force my eyes open, and look down. We are about forty stories up. I feel bile rise in my throat and swallow it down. How can Tobias handle this height when I'm about to throw up?

I sigh, and let go of the railing with one hand and let it drop to my side. "Tobias" I say, "out of all places, why here? The height is dizzying, and with your fear of them."

For a few seconds he is silent, and a light gust of wind blows past us.

"I went into my fear landscape about a month ago. Still have four fears, but this time, it was worse than ever. I still had to watch you die. Something was different. Horribly different. You died in the hands of Matthew, your blood soaking his shirt. And as you continued to bleed, he didn't do anything to stop it. I tried to get to you. But I couldn't. It was like a barrier holding me back as I struggled towards you, until eventually you just…" His voice trails off, and he puts his head down. "I moved here because I figured if my worst fear came to life and I could manage that, or at least try, I could conquer this fear, which doesn't seem so bad anymore."

For a few moments, all I can do is stare at him. "What was your worst fear?" I ask him, even though I already know what he'll say.

"Losing you" he replies quietly. "I can't lose you, Tris, not again. Especially to another boy who doesn't care about you nearly as much as I do."

His words hurt. They make me feel as if I am the reason he is making this unnecessary change to his life. How could I not notice the bags under his eyes, or his unwashed, unkempt hair? And after all he's been through there's no reason I should put him through this. Because I still love him. And I'll never stop.

"You haven't lost me, Tobias. But I don't like what's happening to us. You shouldn't worry about Matthew. He doesn't matter nearly enough as much as you do to me. You know that."

Tobias's eyes drift down to my belly. "Tobias" I say sternly. "You _know _that. I made a mistake, and I blame myself every day for it. I didn't mean for it to affect our relationship like this, and neither did Matthew. He's a good person, and this is just as much my fault as it is his. It's not like you haven't made mistakes in the past."

He looks up at me, and his eyes swim in their sockets. Eventually, he sighs and stands up straight, and grabs both my hands, lacing his fingers with mine.

"I'm sorry" he says.

"I know" I say.

Tobias grabs my chin lightly and pulls it up so that I am staring straight into his eyes. "Just promise me something" he says. I nod. "Okay" I say.

"I won't let you go" he says "so don't let go of me." I place both my hands on his cheeks, and sigh against his neck. "I promise" I tell him .

Tobias smiles and presses his lips to mine. "I love you, Tris" he whispers.

"I love you, too" I whisper back, kissing him back hard.

And in that moment, I come to realize why I truly love him. It's because no matter how much pain we go through, or how much our relationship bends with every conflict we have, we mend it. We choose each other over and over again, discovering more about ourselves that we have ever known. We will always come back to each other.


End file.
